You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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