she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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