Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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