And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
