If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
