A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
