also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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