so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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