Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
