It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
