i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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