found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
