I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
