I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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