I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
