i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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