also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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