It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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