I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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