I am puke
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
