She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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