made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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