Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize