Will you blow on my dice?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
