I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
