cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
