I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
