fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
