did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
