You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
