I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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