Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
