He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize