i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
