i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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