Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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