OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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