Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
