Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
