I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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