Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
