i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize