i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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