i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
