Your mouth is God's brothel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
