"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
