also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This house was built for laser tag.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
