so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
