Porn is love you can see.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
