Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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