I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.