one two three fourrrrnication!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.