The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.