i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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