its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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