The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
