I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
