I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
