just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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